would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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