I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
