Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
