whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
