I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
