singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
