Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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