i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I smell stomach acid.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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