i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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