pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
