are you still at the devil's house?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
