So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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