the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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