moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
