it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
