All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
