I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
