It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
