Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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