your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
