Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
