Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
