I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
