If i come over, it means nothing
I CAN MOONWALK!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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