Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
