Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
