it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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