You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
