would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
