I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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