I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
