I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
