Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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