Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
