You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
