bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
