This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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