you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
