It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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