My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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