I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
