i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
