well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
