I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just want to make out with him forever
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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