So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
