Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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