so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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