My brain says no but my pants say off.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
