Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You are a genius and a whore.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
