I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
