I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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