her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
