The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I need to align my fucking chakras
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
