I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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