they need to just BURY HIM!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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