By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize