so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
