gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
