Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
