His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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