I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
