Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
