there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
