Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
