woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pants are for mortals
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
