Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
